I feel guilty for being so unhappy where I am. That does not mean I do not like to be alive or what I do, it just means that I do not feel more complete as before.
It is very difficult to see a dream go down the drain and you do not have enough strength to grab it and hold all of time for a little longer.
I do not want to dream the dreams but do not feed our minds to prepare for the painful loss of everything you ever wanted.
I struggled to achieve what he wanted but everything was gone too fast.
And the people I met this little while, are the only things that make me sure that nothing was in vain.
I've tried thousands of ways to write I feel, what I felt and what still happens to me every time I look at the back of the empty car that became my life.
But I can only remember the times I cried in agony and despair under the gaze of strangers. From the time I lacked sufficient forces to move up another step or lift his hand.
Spend more once everything is like reliving a nightmare from which you run and fight while they soak in sweat.
is like entering a lost battle and use all their energy trying to win.
And then I feel completely taken by the guilt of failing to take full advantage of the experience I'm having. What happens to me, is that some part of my brain is defective?
I had never experienced these two sensations together: happiness and sadness, mixed and intensified, as if I became bipolar, as it did not feel anything more than that. Once hidden, since the surface.
I can not look to the future without thinking of how everything could be different.
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